


i'm falling (again)

by etherealairy



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26866258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealairy/pseuds/etherealairy
Summary: Inspired by Falling by Harry StylesIt's been two months.It’s been two months of emptiness, of not knowing how to breathe without his body lying next to him. He hasn’t felt air in his lungs since Lucas closed the windows and doors when he left.or no one tells you what happens when the minutes run out and there’s none left to count
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	i'm falling (again)

It was just like every other Tuesday. At least that’s what Eliott thought when he walked through the apartment door. He had gone to his university classes, gotten lunch with Sofiane, and spent a couple hours in the new film store he started working at a couple months prior. It had been so normal and nonchalant and forgettable, until he opened that door.

When the door to their apartment creaked open, the hallway leading towards the living room was dark. _Lucas should be home right now_ , Eliott thought, _Lucas hates the dark._ Peering down the corridor, he made his way slowly until halting to a stop when he saw him hunched over at the bottom of the couch.

Eliott set his bag down immediately, swiftly heading toward Lucas who snapped up to look at him, then quickly retracted the movement. Once he took a couple more steps toward his boy is when Eliott noticed his breathing. His heavy, heavy breathing.

Lucas had several panic attacks over the course of his and Eliott’s relationship, usually about things happening with his dad, mom, or school, but all of them happened in the dark and were beginning to occur much more frequently. Luckily, Eliott understood these moments like the back of his hand, knowing exactly how to get his boyfriend out of the episodes without causing him more stress.

Eliott gently fell in front of Lucas, grabbed for his hands, and looked at Lucas’ tear striped face. He winced the tiniest bit, as seeing his boyfriend with tears falling from his eyes was the most heartbreaking thing ever. It had been the worst part of those recurring panic attacks.

“Lucas,” Eliott whispered softly, only loud enough to reach Lucas’ ears. He reached up to wipe away the drops still falling from Lucas’ eyes, but Lucas flinched away. _He’s never done that before_ , noted Eliott.

Even though Eliott’s heart started beating a little faster after Lucas flinched away from his touch, he didn’t show it in order to keep Lucas calm. Instead, he moved his hand to the back of Lucas’ neck and began playing with the unruly hair. He then pushed his own head forward until he felt his boyfriend’s forehead against his own.

Eliott started taking deep breaths, exaggerating the volume and longevity of them in order for Lucas to hear and feel them clearly. Lucas had never cared for others telling him what to do and, even being in the middle of a panic attack, that simple fact did not change.

_They were cuddled up on the couch in Lucas’ old flat share, limbs so tangled they didn’t know where one of them started or ended, watching a movie Lucas had picked out. The movie was good, but nothing quite special enough to take the boys’ attention away from each other, until a scene where the main character was having a panic attack and another character was trying to help them through it played on the screen._

_“Jesus Christ,” Lucas exclaimed, breaking away from their kiss while rolling his eyes, “I hate when people count out their breaths like that. It makes people feel like children. Or me at least.” The counting continued on the television. “People can breathe on their own. They just need guidance, not a fucking golden star every time they do that simple action.”_

_Eliott leaned down to lightly kiss Lucas’ head._

_“Thank you for not doing that,” Lucas softly whispered as he glanced back up towards Eliott, meeting his eyes. “You handle me so well, even through all that stuff. You know me so well.”_

_Eliott just has to smile at that because, truly, he’d handle Lucas no matter what._

So that’s what Eliott did in those moments. He never counted the breaths Lucas took. He never even talked him through it, just breathed heavily and wiped the tears away until Lucas came down himself. Except this time, his hand was in his hair.

It took longer than usual for Lucas’ breathing to return to a semi normal rate, but the tears didn’t stop falling as his eyes stayed glued to the floor. _The tears always stop first_ , Eliott noted once again. _Why is he still crying?_ Eliott pulled his forehead from the other but continued to play with the hair between his fingers.

“I told myself I wouldn’t cry”, Lucas muttered, wiping his tears furiously while his breath continued to even out. “Or have a panic attack. You don’t deserve to see me cry.” He coughed violently. “You don’t deserve it.”

_What?_ “Baby,” Eliott started, taking the hand not busy in Lucas’ hair and moving it to wipe Lucas’ tears away. Lucas flinched away again, though. Eliott’s hand fell instead. “Baby please, w-”

“I’m leaving,” Lucas abruptly sobbed out.

Eliott’s hand that was running through Lucas’ untamed hair froze. _What do you mean leaving? What do you mean? What is this?_

“We need to take a break.”

_No. This isn’t happening._ His eyes froze on Lucas’ face. His boyfriend’s eyes were still focused on the little space between them.

“I’m going to stay at home for the next week.” Lucas’ tears were still falling, faster and more ferocious than before.

His breathing froze.

“I-I promise this isn’t it,” Lucas struggled to say, finally meeting Eliott’s most likely tearful eyes. “It’s only a week, I promise. I need to go home.”

_You said here was your home. You said I was your home._ His mind froze.

“I’ll be back,” whispered Lucas before another tear fell. “I promise.” Another tear. “I just-just need time.” And another. “Time to myself. Not many minutes, I swear”

His heart stopped beating. _But we already have so many minutes. So many. What about those?_

Lucas glanced upward, catching Eliott’s gaze. That’s when Eliott saw it, the desperation and seriousness and sadness in those beautiful eyes. Everything froze. Except Lucas.

Lucas, without another word or glance, got up, grabbed a bag sitting on the couch which Eliott hadn’t noticed, and sobbed as he walked out of the room. All Eliott heard were sobs and footsteps until a small voice echoed, “I’ll be back. Just a couple minutes.” And then the closing of a door.

In that moment, everything fell.


End file.
